she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
