Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
