Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
