I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
