Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
