Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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