NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it was like eating out sand paper
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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