Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
