non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
