I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
one might say we're banned from that church
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize