$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
