last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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