I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I look better un-naked...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
