i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
