Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
