The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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