idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
