I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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