2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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