Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
do herpes really smell.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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