i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
