After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
