soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
