I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize