4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My life is pants optional.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
