I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
