I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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