ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
