he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
