bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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