Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
