Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
