Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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