Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
