the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He felt like a one man threesome
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize