I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
