You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
