For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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