and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My legs feel like baby dolphins
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize