you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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