did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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