There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
