she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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