I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
