saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
