Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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