No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
