I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
