Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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