so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
