I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
