we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
