Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
