Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
