Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm drive I can fine osifer
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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