evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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