Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
