Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
