Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
