The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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