fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
