also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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