Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
